I am sitting on the couch on July 4th as all 3 kids are taking a nap. Yes, all 3; a 7 year old, 5 year old and 1 year old. In the time they have been asleep, 2 sets of friends have come over to play. While I enjoy the quiet time, I also get lost in the thoughts in my head. Am I ruining my kids' lives? Am I making them turn out weird? At this point, this is normal for the 1 year old but the older two?
To me, the reasons I do things make complete sense to me but seem like not many other parents out there think similar and I begin to doubt myself. My kids are napping because we were up until about 11 watching fireworks yesterday and will be watching fireworks again tonight starting around 9:30 or 10. This is late considering my kids normally go to bed around 8:30-9 during both the school year and during summer. (I do let them stay up when there are things going on.)
Now I understand this may not be that weird or ruin their lives by itself but add to it the fact that I have them spend at least 40 min each day during the week working on reading, math, and such. They also sort and fold laundry, set and clear the table for meals, unload the dishwasher, and clean up all of their own toys every day. I am teaching them to clean the bathroom and vacuum the floor as well. Add to this I don't buy fad toys. They don't get the year's most wanted toys at Christmas.
I often worry about these things because of the "persecutions" that happen towards kids how don't have what is expected. These persecutions have happened for a long time and at all age groups. I remember them happening at school around me. Kids will pick on other kids because they don't have "cool clothes" or the most trendy toy. My girls have been excluded from play groups because they didn't have the right kind of stuffed animal or doll the other kids were playing with.
While I hate that my girls have been left out, I don't agree with the idea that all kids must like and play with everyone. Is that weird? I believe and try to teach them we should work at being nice and try to find ways to include others regardless of age, gender, skin color, language spoken in the home, disability, and the like. But I also don't think it is a good idea to force them to play with people they have tried to play with but they just aren't compatible. It's a hard balance to teach to a kid. Here's my reasoning. I don't like everyone I meet. I don't hang out with everyone I meet. I do try to include them, make them feel welcome, and care for them in times of need. Why would I force my kids to do anything different? Also, kids have intuition as much as we do. If they don't feel good about being in someone's house or playing with them, I should trust them.
So much like almost every parent out there who is trying to be a good parent, I wonder if I am ruining their lives or teaching them important lessons. I wonder if they are learning the lessons the way that I am trying to teach them. Will they become the amazing people I envision and hope for? I can only teach, guide, and influence them. They will make the decisions that make them who they will become.
